An open letter, to my betters:
i. I would like to thank the progressives of America for de facto banning the Confederate battle flag, which as we all know was an invention of Josef Goebbels, and was displayed only by people with direct and specific plans to attack African-Americans.
ii. I would also like to thank the great and good progressives for banning this hateful object retroactively, making it clear to everyone that whenever a Southerner displayed the flag on his truck or cap or music album, he was condemned by the enlightened citizens of Atlanta and Charleston and Mobile and Waco.
iii. Progressive Googlers, you deserve thanks for your lack of any qualms about whether the demonization of the American South is consistent with a respect for other cultures, and whether any nation, large or small, has ever done anything of which it is not proud, and whether any nation or subgroup, large or small, would worry that its proud symbols will be next.
iv. The refusal of Googlers such as ZP even to discuss this issue is right and proper. The progressive Googler cannot possibly be expected to respect, or engage with, coworkers with different opinions. The progressive Googler is perfectly within his or her rights to communicate via dismissive comments and hostile emoticons.
v. Thank you progressive Googlers for moving from strength to strength, for effecting total domination over Southerners and total eradication of symbols of the Confederacy, thus demonstrating your commitment to freedom of speech and freedom of expression. When one enumerates the usufruncts of living in a free society, the first among them are of course total domination and total eradication.
vi. Gratitude in advance: For your inevitable refusal to take victory lying down, for crying next month or next year that the forces of hate are insiduous, terrifying (it took almost a week for the Confederate battle flag to be eradicated); the forces of evil have rendered you powerless (there exist Southerners who secretly give their sons the middle name Bob).
vii. Thank you Googlers for your finely attuned and nuanced appreciation of the importance of freedom of speech. When plans were announced to shut down sexually explicit Blogger sites, you correctly noted that everyone had the right to express themselves via copyright violations of dirty pictures and the writing of skank sex columnists — and furthermore, that for Googlers to defend these rights amounted to a sacred duty. There is of course no corresponding free speech right, or progressive duty, when considering the display of a flag.
viii. Thank you progressives and Googlers for not worrying about collateral damage arising from your actions. Just as a neoconservative warmonger does not worry about the damage and injuries and death caused to innocent people when bombing another country, so you do not worry that you have outlawed country music, or popular classic TV shows.
ix. Thank you progressives for successfully adapting the modus operandi of the warmonger who wishes the US to attack a small and relatively defenseless country. Find a small nation; amplify and demonize its sins; exterminate it with overwhelming and unstoppable force.
x. Thank you Googlers for not screeching too loud when celebrating your victory over the despised southern primates.
xi. Thank you progressive Googlers for not worrying in the slightest as to whether your dedication to progressive ideals would be seen in any way as hypocritical, mean-spirited, or totalitarian.
dclxvi. Finally I would like to thank progressive Googlers for allowing me to use Roman numerals in this list, given that the Romans were irredeemably sexist, racist, imperialist, and heteronormative; furthermore when you do decide, in the year 2019 or 2022, that Roman numerals are unacceptable, and always have been, I would like to thank you in advance for your reasonableness and consistency.